when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
