so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
