come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
