Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
