you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
