Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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