i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
