Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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