my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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