hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
