Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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