You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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