he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
