Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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