ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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