My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize