Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
