I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
