it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am mentally ready for anal.
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