she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my being single is dangerous.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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