In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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