Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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