if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
