I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
