I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
