How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
