I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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