why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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