Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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