I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
