You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
