we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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