And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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