Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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