The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
