I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
