why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
