every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize