I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
