Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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