im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
