it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
