He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
