If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
