I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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