The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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