All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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