kristin has been a bad kristin
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
