omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize