I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
