She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
