god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
420 ftw
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
