Someone shit on the floor
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
