You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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