I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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