I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
