Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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