I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
