ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want to make out with him forever
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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