I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
