he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize