ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
