It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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