her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
