I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
