i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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