You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
