Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
