yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
