you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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