my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
