You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
