Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
