It's a beautiful day for a hangover
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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