Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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