now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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