i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
