I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
