i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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