Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize