Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
