For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
