i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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