Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
