the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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