I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize