Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
