Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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