He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
