maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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