thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
