I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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