He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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