I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
