If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my sisters under your porch take her home
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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