she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
