Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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