Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
