Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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